A Long Time Coming

The thing is that its been such a long time since I’ve had the luxury of being able to just sit down and BLOG. Is that even the correct term? Months have passed and I’m only on my second entry. Talking with such blogging aficionados as Miguel and Ella led me to thinking that perhaps I really ought to just quite looking for the right time and make time to write.

So here I am.

Just a Recap of the recent events that had transpired in my life…not in any particular order time-wise or import…

The Gaping Hole

For the yaoi enthusiast with a very green mind, please close your drooling mouth because the heading is in no way connected to any yaoi whatsoever. Hehehe…

For starters, I think I’m becoming a chronic depressive or some such thing. I always find myself getting sad all of a sudden. I have friends and I have fun in school but there’s always this niggling feeling at the back of my mind that I’m missing something or that something bad is going to happen…I don’t know, I can’t really put it into words. It’s just bothersome and tiring to feel that way. Cheska said she sometimes felt the same way too and it was a sort of comfort to know that I am not alone in my self-perceived madness. Maybe that’s just the way things are, the way I’m made or something…

The Future Seems Bleak

Artists, writers…they live a life of insecurity and hardship and whatever glory they attain is usually posthumous…where is the fairness in that I ask you?

Van Gough was touted as a loon in his day; everyone thought he was just too intense and that the sunflower series wasn’t anything to get too excited about. Not everyone thought this but it was the general consensus at the time, I believe…and here we are now years later, applauding his genius use of colors.

Fat lot of good that does Van Gough who has long been dead and buried…

His genius was too ahead of his time, they didn’t understand that he was tapping into something that was passion itself. Just look at the starburst of colors in his sunflower series…it has never failed to get an emotion out of me. (Even a twinge is better than nothing, I’m not overly emotional anyway and a lot of the mediocre stuff leaves me cold…)

It makes me leery of the future. If someone was to tell me that my writing sucks, I would probably - insecure soul that I am - curl up in a dark place and never emerge (metaphorically speaking of course). Does that mark me as a bad writer, or was the person who told me so the one at fault because he was a bad reader and failed to grasp the intricate concepts woven into the fabric of my plot?

Look at Sylvia Plath, her husband was more famous that her during her lifetime but now, we discuss him only in connection with her (mostly).

I suppose that the ultimate reward in being in artist is serving as a conduit to a greater creativity, or to serve as a mirror to reflect society. We are the people outside the circle, we are the ones who are capable of distancing ourselves and studying the world and life through eyes of profundity. We are also capable of immersion, of being one with the subject that we have chosen.

It’s a gift…

But it doesn’t really get money in the bank, except for the rare few of course.

Oh well, such is life. Besides, the gift of self-expression is a rare one, and so is human understanding and empathy. Not to say that other people whose interest lie more on the practical side of life are less than those with our heads in the clouds, we just have to fulfill our roles in society.

That is justice. That is the good…and like Plato says, the good is that for which we always act…


Speech

My speech is about The Gentle Child in Victorian Pedophile Literature… I may write more about it later but I am just so itching to spout out the informative speech I’ve prepared for that particular topic. You know when you get so riled up and so worked up about something and then, it doesn’t happen or it gets delayed over and over again?

The excitement has long since fizzled out and I just want to get it over with. Hopefully, I’ll get a high grade (gasp, GC!) but if not, well then I did try my best… (sing-song) but I guess my best wasn’t good enough (sing-song) Sheesh but I’m stupid tonight…
There, I think that about sums up some of the things that have been going on. I’ll probably write more later…